


That's Not How You Hold A Knife

by strawberryriver



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 15:14:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6056316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryriver/pseuds/strawberryriver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akaashi Keiji knows exactly how he found himself entered into a couples challenge on Chopped and that's because he can't, or doesn't, say no to Bokuto. Ever. He accepted his fate a long time ago. </p>
<p>-----<br/>request filled for Vikki!</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's Not How You Hold A Knife

Akaashi stared at the last mystery basket and tried not to think about the series of regretful situations that led him here. 

He tried not to think about the noncommittal hum he gave Bokuto when he yelled “ _Keiji lets sign up!_ ”

He tried not to think about Kuroo’s grin when he told Bokuto they’d entered too. 

He tried not to think about how _ecstatic_ Bokuto had been when they found out they’d actually made it to the final round, and would be on TV. (All right, maybe he let himself think about that one a little.)

Akaashi had no idea why Bokuto even wanted to join a cooking competition to begin with. He could. . .cook, at least enough that he wouldn’t starve, but nothing more than “grilled pork” or “beef”. Certainly not enough to think that he-- they --could pull off a cooking competition where you had to use three _mystery ingredients_. Akaashi wasn’t even that good and he considered himself a significantly better chef than Bokuto. 

Kuroo and Kenma he believed. While Kenma didn’t do much cooking he was clever, he had ideas and Kuroo could create those ideas with ease. 

Akaashi had Bokuto. Wild, beautiful, eccentric Bokuto. 

Who set their microwave on fire warming rice. 

God help them. 

Akaashi looked up from the basket as the director signaled the return from commercial break, the words _Chopped Couples Challenge_ flashing on the screen behind them. Akaashi drew a deep breath, but released it when Bokuto’s hand found his and squeezed. 

“You okay, Keiji? You look sick. Pretty, but sick.” Bokuto said, keeping his voice shockingly quiet. Akaashi squeezed his hand in reply as the host launched into his introduction for the final dessert round. There was one more terrible demon basket between him and freedom. He could do this. 

“Contestants, open your mystery baskets!” Bokuto’s hands were the ones who went for it, dropping Akaashi’s in the process. Akaashi smiled, at least Bokuto was having the time of his life on this show. He was convinced the only reason they’d made it this far was because Bokuto and Kuroo’s banter made for excellent TV, otherwise they should have gone home first with Bokuto’s “jello and cheese balls”.

(Akaashi never wanted to think about that moment again.) 

He focused his attention on the ingredients when Kuroo let out a whooping laugh. Chocolate squares, frozen fish sticks, and parsley. 

Parsley? Was that even an ingredient in anything? Akaashi thought it was just a garnish. It had to be a joke ingredient. Regardless, it was in the basket and they had to use it. 

“Fish pudding!” Bokuto yelled, startling Akaashi out of his regret filled trance. 

“That’s not a thing, Koutarou.” Wait, was it? Honestly, Akaashi would be okay with anything at this point. But it had to be a real thing not one of Bokuto’s famous “food experiments.” 

(He was also not going to think about _that_ moment ever again.)

“But I can make pudding, Keiji.” Bokuto protested. It was true, it was one of the few things he was good at making. Akaashi stared down at the ingredients and slowly nodded. 

“We’ll dip them in chocolate.” He finally said, shoulders relaxing now that he had a direction. “It’s not very-- what’s the word? --transformative, but it will have to do.” Kuroo and Kenma were already fast at work, Kenma whispering into Kuroo’s ear. It made Akaashi’s skin burn, he was more competitive than he liked to admit and seeing them so far ahead made him itch to move faster. 

“And I make pudding?” Bokuto asked, already taking some of the chocolate out of the bag. 

“You make pudding. And...maybe add the parsley. Grind it up or...something.” Akaashi Keiji was not a chef, not even an amateur one. He had no idea how he’d made it this far on the show. But he would be damned if he wasn’t going to try until the last fucking second. 

Bokuto gave him a kiss and moved swiftly towards the pantry. Akaashi couldn’t help but watch for a moment, it was easy to forget that, through all the muscle, Bokuto was an _athlete_ and moved with all the grace of a person that had extreme control over their body. 

“Hey bro, you might wanna do a little less kissing and a lot more cooking if you’re even gonna have a chance against me!” Kuroo called out after him, goading Bokuto into ducking back out of the pantry to reply. 

“Dude I’m gonna kick you into next Tuesday!” Bokuto shouted back, waving the milk in the air. 

“Koutarou, we _are_ on a time limit.” Akaashi less-than-gently reminded him as he got to work melting the chocolate. When Bokuto came back and got to work on his pudding, Kuroo let out a low whistle. 

“Hope they got fire extinguishers in here.” 

“Dude! I only started a fire once and it’s been like two months!” Bokuto whined, doing his best to stay on task and not make faces at Kuroo. 

“Yeah, because Akaashi hasn’t let you use the stove since then.” Kuroo said and Akaashi could hear the smirk without even looking. 

“. . .Well-!” Akaashi cut off Bokuto’s retort with a firm squeeze around his arm. 

“Koutarou, you’re going to burn the sugar.” He wasn’t, but Akaashi knew the threat would put Bokuto’s focus back on track. Kuroo was good at distracting and derailing his boyfriend, but Akaashi was better at putting him back on track. This entire competition felt like a half-cooking-show half battle-of-the-wits between Akaashi and Kuroo. 

Akaashi was blessed with a few moments of silence punctuated by the banging of pots and pans before Kuroo started up again. 

“Hey Bo, remember that time in college you mixed fish sticks in a protein shake?” Akaashi gagged and Kuroo grinned. _They were never supposed to speak of that incident._

“Yeah dude but I’m not the one who poured in a bunch of vodka to see how fast I could get fu-uhh” Bokuto faltered when Akaashi elbowed him in the side. “Drunk!” 

“Man that was the best practice of our college careers though!” Kuroo laughed instead of getting flustered.

“Dude you puked and passed out halfway through. You don’t even remember past the warm up stretches!” Bokuto protested, his bro was not that hardcore. 

“Yeah man, but it was awesome.” Kuroo tore his attention away from bantering with Bokuto when Kenma tapped his arm and the two resumed speaking quietly with each other. Bokuto insisted they spoke with their eyes like real cats--

(“That’s not how cats speak, Koutarou.”) 

\--but in actuality they were capable of a volume that was lower than “megaphone”. Not that Akaashi minded Bokuto’s exuberance. 

“ **Two minutes!** ” The host called out and Akaashi’s mind snapped to focus. He rushed around the corner to get plates, knowing that Bokuto would rush to the chiller for the pudding. He trusted his boyfriend, or at least he trusted Bokuto’s deeply competitive attitude. Especially when it came to Kuroo. 

Akaashi carefully laid the chocolate dipped fish sticks over the pudding in a way he hoped looked professional. Bokuto dumped entirely too much parsley on top. Akaashi almost fixed it but it was so weirdly representative of their relationship that he couldn’t bring himself to dial back Bokuto’s exuberance. It felt like a disservice to the judges. 

In the end they didn’t win. Kuroo’s unholy chocolate-fish mousse combination did, and Akaashi had a sinking feeling that this would not be the last time that particular dish saw the light of day. Akaashi fully expected to have to comfort a deflated Bokuto but when he turned to his boyfriend he found himself being lifted into the air and spun around. Akaashi gripped Bokuto’s shoulders tightly, trying not to laugh from the sudden headrush. When Bokuto was done spinning Akaashi found himself back on solid ground and Bokuto’s lips met his, their noses bumping together. 

“Did you have fun?” Bokuto asked, eager eyes searching Akaashi’s. 

“I did.” Akaashi gave Bokuto a sincere smile because, truth be told, he did have fun with his ridiculous boyfriend on this ridiculous cooking show.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on my [tumblr](http://strawberryriver.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/keiji_ebooks)!!
> 
> if you request a pairing/prompt in my ask box i'll probably write it


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